9/1/2025
Today we had a sort of preliminary rehearsal to allow Chris to decide which songs he would like us to sing in the actual show. To say that I was excited for this “rehearsal” would be an absolute understatement. I felt prepared and the adrenaline rush was intoxicating. I was so excited to see everyone and hear what we all sounded like, I was ready to discover new things about myself and learn from my peers. I was also very excited to make some new friends. Through this meeting, I discovered that creating on the spot with people was something that I really enjoy. I remember I spoke to Rob right after we left and said that I could do that forever, and I stand by that. I had a really great time and I know that this show is going to be a lot of hard work but I feel ready and excited. I know that I can do my best work in this space and I am ready to hit the ground running with my feet to the fire as Chris said today.
9/4/2025
Today, I found out all of my vocal part assignments and I am so excited. I have the Uzo line assignments well as the Uzo solo line in By My Side. I also have a solo in Day By Day as well as a solo in Light of the World. All of the music that I was assigned is WAY lower than anything that I have ever sang before. I have had a bit of an alto narrative thrust upon me so far and I am not mad about it, in fact I am quite happy. I have discovered this completely new range of my voice and discovered that I can comfortably sing lower than I ever thought that I could, which is really exciting. I am a little concerned about vocal damage and pushing myself too much by singing too low. I am going to deep dive into some vocal health resources and consult some of my voice teachers. As for the actual rehearsal, I think it went pretty well. I had a lot of fun again and feel really good about By My Side as we ran it for the first time today. We are already beginning to find a sound as an ensemble and I know that it can only go up from here. I know that I have my work cut out for me, but today was a good start.
9/5, 9/6, 9/7/2025
One of my goals for this week has been to solidify a warm up routine for before rehearsals so that I can present the best version of myself. I feel like I have a pretty good system happening for it and it is working really well. Chris told us about this app that you can use to warm up and it has really been helping me. I feel good about the work that was done today. We have essentially just been running through the songs in the show in an order that Chris wants to work on them in and I am putting my all into it. I can already tell the Prologue and Tower of Babble are going to be the most difficult numbers to work on, so I am planning on spending extra time with them. I know that sometimes I could be a little more confident but I really like the music and I am so excited to be singing all of the time. A discovery that I have had is that it is a really great release of energy and tension to be able to move your voice in different ways. Sometimes singing feels adjacent to screaming, but in the best way possible. Feeling the vibrations of the music and the way that it moves throughout my body is electric and I love getting to hear my friends sing too. Everyone is already putting in such incredible work and I am just thrilled to continue.
9/10, 9/11/2025
Yesterday, September 9th, I missed rehearsal because I was so ill and I feel really really guilty about it. I do not like to miss rehearsal and I felt like I was going to miss something really important. I have a really supportive team surrounding me so I knew that in the long run everything was going to be okay but I still hate it. I know that it is what is best for me and that if I had gone to rehearsal, I might have been down for the count even longer. Chris said a few things that really caught my attention and I am excited to implement them into my process. He says that we should treat every part that we are assigned as a solo because we should be able to know our harmonies cold. This is interesting because I feel like it really does give a fresh perspective on how to prepare. We are working on paying attention to the ends of phrases and making sure that our ideas are clear within the songs. Chris says that the skills that we learn in here will be helpful to us even if we do not end up going into theatre which I completely agree with. I have learned so much about focusing and the importance of active listening during these rehearsals because I really want the harmonies to be as crisp and as clean as I can get them. Another thing that Chris said that I know will help me when rehearsing on my own is that for Tower of Babble and Prologue we are acting as the instruments so thinking of the cleanliness of sound that comes from an instrument is really going to help when practicing. Working on a song that is A Capella is not something that I have ever done and I am learning a lot from doing it in the room.
9/13/2025
Today we continued to run Tower of Babble and other songs. I am still feeling a little sick so navigating that has been interesting, but I am chugging along as best I can. There are some spots in the music where I do not feel as confident about what we are doing than I would like to, but I am just going to keep working hard! We also took Chris out for lunch in the UC which was very silly and provided some much needed joy. Chris emphasized the fact that the moments that we are in unison matter just as much as when we are harmonizing and I am going to think about that next time I’m rehearsing on my own. Today was a really great day.
9/14/2025
I’d like to begin this journal with a little bit of honesty, I was having an incredibly rough time. There is a moment in Tower of Babble where I had been assigned to sing the “HAs” on the offbeat of everyone else and this vocal part assignment literally kept me up at night! I had spent HOURS and HOURS going over this and trying to nail the pitches and the rhythm and I would do well on my own, but the second I entered music rehearsal with everyone else it was as if all of the work that I had just done was gone. On this particular rehearsal, it became evident to Chris that I was really struggling with this. He tried to help me by trying different methods to go over the part such as singing it all on a “doo”, adding someone to my voice part so that I could hear someone else do it first, blasting a metronome through the speaker in the rehearsal room, and NOTHING was working. After standing there and going over my part by myself in front of the group for almost 15 minutes, I got so frustrated with myself about not being able to get this that I just started crying. I immediately felt so embarrassed and weak, I could not understand how I could not get this part after working so hard. I know that none of my cast mates were judging me, but I just had this feeling that I did not deserve to be there. I know that is a little extreme, but I was just so frustrated and had truly been working so hard. Something that I am working toward throughout this process is trying to understand that the directors, stage managers, cast mates, and other people involved in this process are here to help me. No one is out for blood and they want this show to be amazing and for all of us to succeed just as much as I do. I am here to learn, I am here to grow and sometimes there needs to be a little rough patch. Chris is considering switching me to a different part and this scared me at first but I know he has my best interest at heart. Challenging myself is good and I am happy to be learning new skills throughout this process. I hope to go forward, keep working hard, and nail it.
9/15/2025
During this particular rehearsal we were kind of speed running certain songs as review and there was a lot of joy in the room. Specifically, there was a moment during the end of Save the People where all of us locked in the harmonies and dynamic markings and our sound was beautiful and explosive. Moments like these I tend to refer to as “puzzle piece moments.” Moments when everything is connected and I can see the full vision of the production in my head. There is a through line that connects the work that I am doing outside of rehearsal, the text of the play, and the bible, and the feeling of us all being connected as a group. I felt the energy of those around me and now I need to harness that, feel it, and use it. I remember the final chord swelling and all of us looking at each other proud of the work that we just did. I wrote in my script a note to myself to remember for this journal that just said “the joy of dancing” because after we nailed the ending, my cast mates and I did a little dance to celebrate and it is moments such as these where I can fully feel the hard work paying off. These moments make every rough patch worth it.
9/16/2025
This rehearsal went pretty well. Chris has been really drilling it into our brains that we must get this music down before the read sing and that we can’t keep spending so much time on individual measures. Sometimes I feel like no matter how much a practice on my own things do not go the way that I want them too in rehearsals which feels very frustrating. I am still continuing to work on my rhythms and pitches and thinking with the optimism that things will be as perfect as they can be.
9/17/2025
I won’t lie, when I walked into the rehearsal room today, I was so nervous I was shaking. This is something that I need to work on to make the rehearsal space feel better for me. Sometimes I feel really confident, but sometimes I feel like I am doing a terrible job and I need to stop letting these feelings get the best of me because honestly today went really really well. We went over All Good Gifts and those harmonies are just so beautiful. I had a great conversation with Chris after rehearsal about having a growth mindset and I am going to try and use this to propel me forward. He tells me that I have a great attitude in the room and that even when I am not getting a harmony immediately, I power through in a nice way.
9/19/2025
The first thing that we did in rehearsal today was run Light of the world and I feel like this went AMAZING. All of our voices fit together so nicely and it was like a party in the room. I was happy to start rehearsal with such a moment of joy and have made the discovery that when I approach things with confidence rather than anxiety, things tend to naturally flow with more ease and run smoother. I also get to have fun which is an added bonus. Later in rehearsal we just tried to run as many songs as we could and tweak whatever we had time for. We ran through Day By Day and I was having a lot of trouble coming in on m.21 for my solo. The triplets were making me crazy. I had spent literal hours going over those four measures and I just could not seem to get it. This is frustrating because I really am working so hard. I think my next step is to try and record myself singing to identify the mistakes. It has not been recommended that I do it by my voice teachers because it might cause you to learn a part wrong but there is no harm in trying at this point in my process. Overall, I think we are all doing good work and I am excited for the upcoming read/sing.
9/20/2025
Today is the day before the read/sing and I went into rehearsal with a smile and a positive attitude knowing that I had a long day ahead of me and ready to conquer it. Today I feel like we all worked really hard and I feel like I am the best version of myself that I can be right now and I am willing to put my feet to the fire and offer all that I can tomorrow. I am very excited to share the hard work that we have done with everyone. I think it will be really fulfilling and I am excited to learn from this!!! I am going to try to make a conscious effort to STOP focusing on things that are negative. We went through all of the music today and sure, there are moments that we can fix but we aren’t going on stage tomorrow and I am not going to catch on fire at this read/sing.
Goals for tomorrow: Have fun, take a deep breath, look over my harmonies before I get there, and drink plenty of water.
9/21/2025
As I have previously mentioned, I felt so much fear going into the read/sing. I felt really good about the work that I was doing but was scared about putting it all together. As I think back, I know that it is normal to have a little bit of anxiety going into something but I think I need to keep working on re-framing my attitude going into a process. I was having a conversation with Rob about that and she said that something that Marc had talked to her about was the idea of going into a process and telling yourself that you are going to make a mistake. This idea allows you to feel that you do not need to have expectations of perfection before entering a semi anxiety inducing experience. There was a moment where we had completed the read though and Gregg had me sing By My Side again and I immediately thought “oh no I sounded horrible and I am going to be cut from this song and the show and all is horrible.” At that moment I had to be present and think realistically. I trust this team and I trust myself and I don’t know the reason that I have been asked to sing this again, but I am going to do it and give it my all. Honestly, after the fact, I am glad that I got to sing it again because it went better than the first time I sang it and felt like I had almost been given a second chance. Overall, I felt really good about the work that I did and I am excited to take a huge step forward.
9/23/2025
Today was our first day in Wonderbread Studio! I have missed being in there so much. During the rehearsal we mainly focused on ensemble work. While working today I found myself thinking back to Matilda and my first time doing the ensemble games. I remember not seeing how that could help us reach the final product of the show, but today I felt entirely different regarding this matter. I discovered that at the end of rehearsal, I felt worlds closer to my cast mates and I also unlocked a really deep level of focus. I felt present and ready the whole time which I had never felt during this stage of the rehearsal process before. I realize that I think I let my anxieties go for the first time. I reminded myself that I was not going to catch on fire and that mistakes are okay. We also had a discussion about the overall theme of the show and it was great to hear what everyone had to say. It hit me hard having the realization that in order to make this show happen we must separate our beliefs from the text. I am excited to see how things progress and to bring what I’m learning in my Christianity class to the table.
9/24/2025
There was so much joy in the room today! I had a conversation with one of my roommates a couple days ago about a feeling of freedom that you only really feel as a child. She described it as laying in the grass and getting so close you can smell the dew. We talked about how we haven’t felt that type of freedom since freshman year, because moving to college you feel free and like the world is truly yours. I feel like I felt that tonight. I think I discovered the feeling of what it truly means to play and explore with a sense of childlike curiosity and wonder. We did these exercises with parachutes and gertie balls and I felt so connected with everyone in the room. I hope to hold on to that feel throughout this rehearsal process and use it to develop my character and how I interact with everyone on stage. Tonight we also talked a lot about our own experiences with religion. This was incredibly interesting as I got to learn things about my peers that I had not known before. I also got to speak about my own experiences with Christianity. I had never really been in a space before besides my home and church where I felt like I could speak openly about my experiences in the church, this was nice. I am excited to take all of these discoveries and apply them to putting the show on its feet.
9/27/2025
Today we continued doing some work with the parables and creating our own versions of them. We are taking a really exciting approach to the texts that I think are interesting. The work that we are doing right now is a lot of improv and just kind of seeing what we can put together in just a few minutes which has been really fun. A discovery that I made was that when I am able to just jump in and meet in the work I really do so much better. I have found myself making choices and things that I never would have before which has been really good to feel. I also really really like working with this group of people and feel like we are collaborating very well.
9/28/2025
Today was our very first day of staging and I was honestly pretty nervous but it was very fun! The room was so happy! I had a lot of fun which honestly, I was nervous that I was not going to simply because I did not know what to expect jumping right in. As we got going I felt a wave of calm rush over me and I knew that everything would be good. I LOVE the fact that we are entering from the audience. That is something that I have never done before and I am excited for the challenge and to get to interact with people as we were told that we would have tickets and programs every night. We are going to do a lot of stop and go as we stage which is nice because I feel like I have a lot of time to think while I’m working. It is interesting to me the way that it feels going from the world of the audience, to the world of the stage. Even from the beginning of our staging journey, when I moved from the audience seating to the stage it felt like two different realms which I liked getting to play with. I noticed that the way that I walk while I approach the stage feels different from the way that I walk when I am getting my bearings on stage for the first time.
10/2/2025
I think that rehearsal went really well today! I am realizing just how much devised work that we are doing within this process, but I feel really inspired by it so far. It is making me really think about how we are sort of separating this show from religion because it amazes me just how much we can relate these parables to things that are happening in the world today. Getting to collaborate to form ideas for a scene has allowed me to think deeply about this process at the moment. We did an interesting stomping “Lin Manuel Miranda-esque” thing for one of the first scenes and it is going to turn out really cool. It kind of feels like making music with my friends like I would on any night in my apartment which brings a lot of realness to the things that we are doing on deck.
10/3/2025
Today felt like we were beginning to get into the meat and potatoes of the show. We began by staging the moment where a gift is being brought to an altar and I am the one bringing the gift. We landed on M&Ms being the gift after Gregg asked me what kind of treat I might bring to a friend. In this scenario, I was bringing a gift to the altar but remembering suddenly that my brother is annoyed with me. This was one of the moments where I needed to think about acting being a generous act. I was playing with a jaunty little walk to the altar but needed to add some vocal life so that the people around me have something to react to.
10/4/2025
Today we staged the parable of “the rich man and lazarus” I won’t lie I was kind of nervous to stage this just because I knew that I had a bigger part in this parable at least it seems that way in the script right now and I have been having a lot of fun making choices but sometimes get scared and freeze up a little. I am doing a bit where I am Marie Antionette which I do think will be a very fun thing to play and explore with, but I won’t lie when it was mentioned I was nervous because I don’t really know very much about that period of time and knew I needed to do some research. I think that once I get the hang of it I will do fine, but it is going to take me some time. I am very much enjoying watching my cast mates come up with silly ideas and something that I have discovered about this process is that it is allowing me to get better at making choices in the room because a lot of the time you really can’t do a “wrong” thing. I do feel like I am still getting in my head but not nearly as much as I have been in the past.
10/5/2025
Today we essentially finished staging act 1, WOOHOO. This has been a really fun process so far and I am so excited to keep at it. We started rehearsal today sharing a part of the process that we feel good about right now and I was filled with so much joy hearing from my castmates. I won’t lie choreographing Taylor Swift’s Bad Blood into a dance break in the middle of the Prodigal Son was not something I expected but I had a whale of a good time. I really like how we are completely making this show ours and this is allowing all of us to feel so connected to this story way past religion.
10/6/2025
Today I was frustrated because I just wanted to be at rehearsal, but I had to go to musical theatre performance first and I often do not feel like I am doing much in that class but it is just fine. Me and Caroline walked to rehearsal together after class and got started working on the Pharisees scene which was pretty fun. We are doing a “Wizard of Oz” bit for this scene which I think is so fun. I got a lot out of rehearsals today even though I was only there for an hour.
10/7/2025
Today we picked up staging where we left off. The biggest part of staging for me today was the moments leading up to By My Side and the actual song. This is a moment that I have felt deeply. For the staging, we finish our Wizard of Oz bit and then we get to the moment where Gregg said we are supposed to be portraying the wailing wall. Eventually, we make it to this semi-circle and I am pushed by Jonah to the center of the semi-circle. This is a huge moment for me. My character is essentially being tried for adultery at this moment and suddenly this loving and supportive group that she has begun to love is accusing her of a pretty major crime. They are screaming at her from behind and I feel this so deeply. I am trying to imagine what would happen if this were real life and I would be pretty heartbroken. Gregg asked me if I liked the people that were throwing stones at me and my first instinct was to say no. When I said that he said to me “No, you love these people, you don’t understand why they would do this to you.” This hit me hard. Wow. I do love them. This is the moment where my character and I got super close and we are beginning to understand each other deeply. We continued on and I began to sing the song. It was still some stop and go, but Gregg said another thing to me that really made me stop and think about what was happening around me. He told me not to let the beauty of the song take away from the fact that I am pleading. I am begging Jesus: Do not leave, I finally accept you into my heart. I am with you. This was very powerful and I can’t wait to dig deeper into this feeling. I got a lot out of this moment and can’t wait to let it propel me forward. We continued staging and this moment goes right into the moment with the sheep and goat which I think will cut through this serious moment in a really interesting way.
10/8/2025
Today we had a nice conversation about the book of Mark and I really liked getting to hear everyone’s thoughts. My reading of Mark went pretty well and I was honestly surprised at how short it was. But it is so funny to me how many times I would be reading and think “wow this is just like Godspell” It seems like some of my castmates were feeling that way too. But something interesting that we talked about was how this show is technically an exploration of the book of Matthew, but it has the leanness of the book of Mark. After our conversation, we went into the rehearsal room to get started. Today, we went over the moment of the last supper before Jesus dies and this is an incredibly powerful moment. We worked on passing around the food and drink. I think that we are handling it nicely.
10/9/2025
Today we finished staging the very end of the show (the crucifixion) and then we had a stumble though. The crucifixion is a moment that makes me a little anxious. I was just curious to see how we were going to do it. When Jesus gets to the cross we are doing this movement where we are crawling towards him and moving to the cross. Gregg said that the moment that we get to him when we are reaching out with our hand we should think “if I could take you down from this cross I would.” This was very powerful and almost made me tear up. Wow.
As for the stumble though, I felt pretty good about it. There are some moments where I did feel a little confused, but I hope that it will clear up as we continue to run the show. I do think that everything is holding together pretty well despite everything. Our improved moments are melding together nicely and I think the most fun one right now is the hand puppet moment.
10/14/2025
Today was our big music brush up after being away from the music for so long (as a group). To say that I was anxious would be an understatement. I had spent a good deal of Fall break going over my music, but still felt under prepared when I got in the room. Sometimes I am nervous that Chris is going to give me a note that I do not know how to fix and then I get so in my head that it is hard for me to recover.
I am happy to report that none of that happened and like a lot of moments in my life, I was so anxious for nothing. Honestly, today could not have gone better and I am excited to keep working on my music. I know what I need to fix and I have the tools to do so.
10/15/2025
Today, we began choreographing the show and I was so very excited! I love dancing when it comes to staging a musical and this music is so fun. We started with Save the People and I. There is a moment in the beginning where we do a kind of grapevine on the beats of the music and it feels so powerful. We then moved right along to Day by Day and I feel good about this choreography. It was fun to do some partner work in these two numbers. Learn Your Lessons Well is a bit of a trickier number. We did not completely finish it but I like what we are doing so far. This is absolutely a number that I am going to have to run a few times on my own.
10/16/2025
Today we finished the choreography for Learn Your Lessons Well and Began the choreography for Light of the World. I won’t lie, I am struggling big time with the Light of the World choreography. I am realizing that I am not a very coordinated person and that in order for me to succeed with my choreography, I am going to have to do a lot of work on my own to make these movements sharp and clean. A discovery that I made today is that I really need to work on my breath support. I am feeling that when I am dancing so much and then I have to sing, it is taking a lot more power than expected. Sometimes the notes do not come out sounding very good. I think I am going to speak with Chris about some exercises that I can do.
10/17/2025 & 10/18/2025
These were our two biggest pushes for choreography and my body certainly feels it. Over these couple days we have essentially choreographed Alas For You, Turn Back O Man, All for the Best, and Bless the Lord. I am finding it hard to remember some of my choreography, but I know that I will get there. I just need to keep practicing on my own time. I feel very lucky in these moments to live with Rob because it means that I always have someone who is willing to go over things with me and we definitely have been taking advantage of this. We have been running choreography in our kitchen after rehearsals and it has been quite lovely. Something that I noticed over these past couple days is how different the choreography for Alas for You is to everything else which I feel speaks volumes to this story. That is the moment where Jesus’ attitude changes and I am very aware of this. I will continue to review things and get this choreography down.
10/19/2025
Today we finished choreographing the entire show! It has been very fulfilling work and I am preparing to move my body and moving my body in ways that I never thought that I could before. I won’t lie, I was absolutely, positively exhausted after rehearsal today and was ready for a break, but the adrenaline I felt after running the last number was exhilarating. I loved getting to see everything come together and getting to see the looks on my peers’ faces when we nail something down. This is truly such a supportive group. Something that I discovered about myself is that if I am feeling overwhelmed with what is being taught or reviewed it really helps me to take a step back and focus on everyone’s feet and how they move. I find this much more helpful than trying to do the move without breaking it down in my head first. Overall, I am excited to keep tweaking and sharpening and for what discoveries lie ahead.
10/20, 10/21/2025
Today, in rehearsal, we started back from the beginning to edit the staging bones that we built in rehearsals past. I was a little nervous going into this because I was missing the first part of rehearsal because of a class so I did not get the same ease into rehearsal that I usually do but it ended up being fine. I have discovered that I need to just jump in and trust myself. I know what I’m doing and I feel good about it so I just need to meet myself in the work too. I was anxious that I was not going to be able to do anything without my book but once again, I just need to TRUST MYSELF. My goal for tomorrow is to try my best to not think about the “what ifs” and just go for it.
10/22/2025
Today, we continued to work though the show and I am feeling the discoveries appear even more not. There are moments where we are working a scene and things really start to click for me and come together in a really nice way. An interesting hurdle that I experienced today was how to continue to stay in focus when someone is taking pictures during rehearsal. It was not so much that it was distracting or anything having someone there, it was just making me incredibly aware of my appearance. I tried not to let this get me back in my head and I think I did a pretty good job of this. Today, when we worked though By My Side, I felt really confident about it for the first time. I was really feeling every feeling and this might sound dramatic, but I really did feel Jesus by my side. In this moment I felt my hard work showing up for me and I did not feel as scared or as nervous. I am going to hold on to this feeling and use it.
10/23/2025
Today, we did another stumble through of the show and to be quite honest, I felt horrible about most of the work that I did tonight. I was forgetting staging and lines that I had not forgotten before and making mistakes that I had not made. I powered through and I am proud of myself for powering through but I can’t help but wish that it went better. Something I struggled with a lot was the feeling of letting my castmates down because I know that everything that we do affects each other and if I am putting bad energy into the space then other people might be thrown off too. I did my best to keep my energy up and was absolutely SHOCKED when Chris came up to me after and told me that I did a great job. I was genuinely surprised but happy that he felt that way and that made me reflect a little bit about the negative self-talk that I had been doing in my head all night. I am looking forward to doing better than I did today at the designer run tomorrow and hope that I don’t overthink. I have been making choices in rehearsal and jumping into things more than I ever had before and I really hope that I can stay out of my head.
FUTURE RACHEL INTERJECTION: I WILL DO BETTER THAN I DID YESTERDAY Only I can choose to get out of my head!!!!!!
10/24/2025
Tonight was the designer run and I felt really really really good about it. Fridays are my free days in terms of work and class and I used today to my absolute advantage. When I got home from the run yesterday I was just feeling really bad about myself and my performance and I knew that I really needed to rest. I ended up sleeping in until noon the next day and had almost the entire day to prepare for rehearsal. I got up, did some Rachel chores, and then did an extensive physical and vocal warm up. I went through my previous work lists from looking over music and our musical brush up and got out rehearscore and went to town (lol). I got to review some choreography on my own and then later went over stuff with Rob and Jonah. I relaxed, did some homework, and refreshed my vocal and physical warm up and headed to rehearsal! The adrenaline before the run was CRAZY and ELECTRIC. I had my head in the game and was so focused and ready to start. Of course there were things that I need to fix but I hit most things that I wanted to and was able to really have fun with it and let the text fall away at certain moments. I felt another huge puzzle piece moment during Beautiful City tonight. Everything is coming together nicely. We all made eye contact at some point in the song which made me feel really close to all of these people. We are beginning to craft a really beautiful city.
10/25/2025
Tonight, we began working through the show from the top. I went into this rehearsal feeling very focused and ready to work and I felt really good. I am really proud of myself for not calling line very much during these run/work throughs because I have been working really hard on getting the sequence of events down for this show.
10/26/2025
This day of rehearsal felt particularly special to me. It was our last day in Wonderbread which was very bittersweet for me and all of the Seniors. I hope I get the chance to be there for another rehearsal process next semester but it was still a little sad to let the time there go for a bit. With this particular process, I found myself getting lost (in a good way) in this rehearsal process. I know that we are taking a huge step forward going into tech but I have valued the work that we have done in Wonderbread so much that I am feeling like I want to relish in it a little more. Something I took away from Professional Identities and Practice was not to linger in experiences so much that you can’t move on so that is what I am going to do here! Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely THRILLED to begin tech for this show, I am simply reflecting. We started yesterday by having a conversation about the Gospel according to Matthew and this was a very fruitful discussion. I was able to make so many connections to the religion class that I am currently taking. I loved getting to hear everyone’s perspectives and experiences. We then started working on staging the crucifixion and the events leading up to it. Something I love about this cast is that we all are able to work together so beautifully. I feel like a lot of things with this group just sort of fell into place in the best way possible and this is how I felt when we were going over these scenes. There is a lot of trust and love in the room. After we finished the Wonderbread rehearsal we had a dinner break and then it was time for the Sitzprobe! I was honestly really nervous just because I know where my trouble spots are and I did not want to mess up. But I had a conversation with Gregg the other day about how it is much easier to just do a good job rather than wanting to do a good job so I kind of kept this is the back of my mind and we went through the songs and I feel like this really helped me to leave my troubles and worries outside and I hope to continue doing that as we move into tech and performances. I think that the Sitz went REALLY well. I am so proud of the work that we are all doing and I feel like this rehearsal was a very very big step forward. I am so excited to continue learning from the orchestra and put all of these puzzle piece moments together.
10/27/2025
Today was our first day of tech! YAY! I love the feeling of being in the dressing room with my castmates. It always feels so supportive. I was very excited to begin teching the show and to learn from all of the new things that are added. It is also so exciting to have more people in the room because it starts to feel like the audience is almost there! I really like my costume and I am excited to see how it takes my character development to a new level and to begin playing with it during scenes and things. I am finding it interesting to be on the set for the first time as it feels so different from any set that I have acted on before. Something that I thought about a lot today was surrounding the idea of sitting in the audience. I am finding that actually being physically in the space allowed me to be more present with that moment and consider who I am before I enter this space. I like the idea that we are just regular people that come into the space and are drawn onto the stage. Being in the theatre makes that feel more real.
10/28, 10/29/2025
I have combined my journals for the past two days of tech because I am honestly struggling with a little bit of exhaustion right now which I know is not good, but I am just being honest. Over these past couple days we have been doing a lot of start and stop and getting notes in between holds. I am trying not to let it show that I am very tired and I do not think that it is affecting my performance at all but I am choosing to journal honestly rather than pretend everything is perfect. One of the main things that I focused on today is what my costume gives me. That is one of the main things that I thought about during our stop and go moments.
- Strawberry cardigan-Tells me that I am whimsical and not afraid to let my inner child into this process. I love this because I have been playing with childlike energy so much throughout this process.
- Dress and tights- I am not afraid to dress up. In fact I like to look nice. I wear the tights because I like to be covered and it makes me feel safe.
- Shoes- good for walking and they also look nice. I am a very functional person.
10/30/2025
We are continuing to make it through the show and I am feeling a lot better than I did yesterday. I got a better night’s rest and was ready to hit the ground running today. We are slowly but surely getting through the show and I am feeling good about a lot of things and not so good about others. I think there are moments when I am thinking about precision too much when I am singing and just need to trust that I know what I am doing. I think this is causing me to slip up sometimes. I am still struggling a lot with being in my own head and I am honestly not too sure how to combat this. I feel like I am bringing a lot of energy and focus into this, but I just keep getting in my own way. We did get word that we are ahead of our page goal so that is very exciting! I love the way that tech here always feels like a well oiled machine.
10/31/2025
Today felt incredibly fast. I feel like I blinked and rehearsal was over. We did end up getting out of rehearsal a few minutes early but I do not think it was that. Part of me was nervous that it flew by because I was zoning out (which I was not) because sometimes I have that issue in life. I know that we are doing a run of the show tomorrow and I am pretty excited. I feel like I am ready to learn from the orchestra once everyone gets here and I think that having the full band will give me a lot of insight into what I need to practice musically.
11/01/2025
Today we did a run of the show with tech and everything there. I felt pretty good about the work that I did but still feel like there is more to be done. There are some beats that I need to look over before we run the show again and I know that I will do that. I am having a lot of fun but I won’t lie, I am still dealing with some exhaustion right now. I am still grateful to be here and would not want to be anywhere else but it is not lost on me that I also need to get a good night’s rest tonight so that I can keep doing my best work tomorrow.
11/02/2025
We had an amazing wandelprobe today! I have been so so so in my head throughout this tech process. I thought that Day By Day and Light of the World went particularly well because now that we are onstage those moments feel much bigger which aides in the energy that I am putting fourth. I am not sure why this is such a habit of mine. I feel like throughout the rehearsal process I am feeling all of the feelings and letting my work show up for me. When it comes to starting tech and things getting “real” I freeze like a deer in headlights because I, without trying, let my own thoughts get in the way. I start to doubt the reason I am wanted in a production. I begin to have racing thoughts about who should be doing this instead of me and I am not 100% sure how to stop this. I believe a lot of these feelings are residual from anxieties past but I just need to work on completely trusting myself because I can do this. I know that I work hard, I know that I do a good job, it’s just a matter of JUST doing it. Today was a prime example. I was SO anxious about running By My Side with the orchestra because I just didn’t want to mess up. I spoke to Rob on a break and Rob was essentially like “bro just trust yourself, you got this and you won’t burst into flames.” and I was thinking, “yes exactly!” This is where I really feel like the exploration of childlike curiosity is most helpful to me. I have found that throughout this process when I think about how a child would approach this , I am able to let a lot of personal baggage go. I feel like this was my best run of the song. I am going to use this energy as a driving force when I feel anxious Rachel bleeding into this story.
11/03/2025
Today was one of our last days of tech rehearsal before we do the thing in front of an audience! I am feeling excited, but know that there is a lot that I need to fix. I felt really good about the work that I was doing but got a note from Gregg that I am not making the arc of my character believable and everything needs to connect. I think I just really need to trust myself more and know that my work will show up for me because I have put a lot of hard work into this and I know I am doing a good job. I just need to let my worries go. A good performance is never done and I need to expect excellence from myself but be okay with making mistakes. I am going to make this better.
11/04/2025
I think parts of tonight’s rehearsal were really amazing and then there were some parts that I felt really awful about. I feel like this is the most out of my own head that I have been throughout this entire process. I was so in the moment I felt like I was floating and I was more focused than I have ever been, it was euphoric. Everything was fitting together like a puzzle piece and I was having so much fun. The moment leading up to By My Side where Jesus and I share a pinky swear was particularly nice tonight. Genuinely in that moment it felt like the first time that we had ever sharing that moment (in a good way) I was fully letting go and reacting not as an actor on stage, but as a disciple of Jesus fully committing to his teachings in that moment. Then, the music started and it sounded different, it did not sound like it usually does and Chris is not cueing me in like he usually does. We have now passed the beginning of the song, the lyrics not said were pivotal lyrics. I froze and was not sure what to do. Chris begins to mouth the next lyrics at me on the monitor but this makes no sense to me, I thought the music was going to keep vamping until I came in because if that were the case not much of the song would have been missed. I was so confused. I was thinking, “did I get so lost the moment I forgot my entrance?” I just did not know what happened and did not hear my normal intro. I left the stage after the finale feeling defeated. I felt so good about everything that I was doing and I think that I ultimately recovered well but I was just a little frustrated. I am excited to have an audience tomorrow night and hope that helps me loosen up a little bit.
11/05/2025
PWYC Performance!! I felt really good about this! I was kind of nervous to be performing in front of an audience for the first time because I really do want people to like the show. I kept having to remind myself that I LIKE THIS SHOW and I KNOW I’M DOING A GOOD JOB because I know that if it is obvious that I am not confident in what I am doing the audience will feel this too but it is certainly not an easy task. We had a conversation with Gregg after the run and he talked about how this is sort of a mess of a show but we are doing a good job telling it and that is so true. I have never felt so close to a cast before. We really are such good friends and there is SO much of us on this stage. I learned a lot from the audience tonight. It was interesting to see what they laughed and did not laugh at. It was also so different to be able to really see the audience while I’m performing because I have never done anything where I am supposed to be delivering stuff directly to the audience and gauging their reaction. Overall I am happy with how things went and can’t wait to learn more and make more discoveries tomorrow.
11/06/2025
OPENING NIGHT! WHAT A GREAT AUDIENCE!!
I felt so good about this! I was SO nervous about interacting with the audience!!! But I think that I handled it pretty well. I had not thought about the fact that so many donors would recognize me and then I was walking into the lobby and 3 of them came up to me and were like “hey I thought you were in this production” and I sort of responded like I was just there to see the show for a class because that is the energy that I am trying to channel. I am trying to just seem like I am cramming for an assignment and I have to finish reading the chapter before the show starts but the rush of what’s to come kind of takes me out of the focus of the imaginary assignment. I am trying to find some “flick” while I am walking through the lobby. Still finding some time to meander about, but also having the destination in mind and needed to get there. I do not want to draw attention to myself as that is not my character, but I also do not want to come off as rude or uninterested because I care about fitting in. I felt so good about starting the show and it was fun to play and explore in the audience beforehand. Something cool that I discovered was how it is that I can make the audience aware that I am interested in what I am reading without indicating. I was sitting next to Rebecca Yee and got to kind of talk to her about my “assignment” beforehand and then when I got up to speak it was kind of like “are you getting this” like be aware of what I am reading. I felt good about most of the work I did onstage. There were a few traffic jams that I am going to work through with my castmates before the show tomorrow, but overall everything went smoothly. It was an interesting challenge trying not to break when we did the Lazarus bit because I am friends with Ryan who was called up and I think that I worked through the challenge in a good way. I was so in the moment with Marie that it was not as difficult as I originally thought it was going to be when I saw him coming up on the stage. Excited to discover even more tomorrow.
11/07/2025
If I could describe tonight’s performance in one word, it would be: electrifying. We truly had a hell of a show tonight. We were so free and connected. It was magic. From the first note of Tower of Babble, I knew the energy was going to be killer. This was genuinely the most fun that I have EVER had during act one. My laughter was always genuine. I felt myself being so in the moment that I was breaking patterns and just doing whatever the moment asked for. We weren’t even getting as many laughs as we got during opening night, but the audience was so generous and the energy transaction between us and them was incredible. I let go of every worry that I had during the day and felt supported by myself and my cast mates. I truly cannot express how close and connected I feel to this cast. We work together and support each other both on and offstage and we are all doing great work. I felt so confident and so in my element it was incredible and I hope to channel this forever. Act 2 was so powerful. I felt so good and connected during By My Side and felt like I was hitting every beat I needed to hit. However, if I were to give myself a grow and a glow I would say: Glow-LIGHT OF THE WORLD. I have never done that choreo as cleanly as I did tonight. Grow-I really need to get better about interacting with the audience. It is something that I have never done before so I am happy to have the challenge but sometimes I feel like when they talk to me I freeze up a little. As if I am not sure what to say to them but I am and just need to trust myself. I know that this will get better as shows go on but definitely something that I am thinking about and will improve upon.
11/08/2025
Tonight’s energy was so good! I remember there was a specific moment during Save The People tonight where I really felt like we were in the pattern of doing the show. I love that moment right after the jazz square at the beginning of the song looking out past the audience and really feeling the power of the music. I know that the audience was feeling it too. I felt this again in the final moment of We Beseech Thee which really connected a lot of things for me because I felt the same strength and unity that I did at the beginning. Something that I want to try to focus on from here on out when I find those moments and how I can harness that energy for the rest of the performances. That is my goal for the rest of the performances.
11/09/2025
I can’t believe that we are already at the end of the first weekend. Time is really flying by and that is both exciting and frustrating! It is exciting because how amazing is it that we have gotten to share this work with so many people already and we get to continue doing so! It is frustrating because I do not want this to end! I am having so much fun being so playful onstage and I felt the playfulness 100 fold tonight. We really do love to be in each other’s presence and I think that it is very obvious that we are having fun onstage.
11/13/2025
I think tonight’s performance went really well. We had a bit of a scare because we had a shelter in place warning but I felt safe in the building and was not very worried. There was a moment in the show where I got back in my head but I worked around it pretty well. It was right before “Pharisees of oz” and I had this thought of “AH I DONT KNOW ANY OF THE LYRICS TO BY MY SIDE” which is a ridiculous thought. I know the lyrics and was just freaking out for a second and honestly I felt like that moment went really well. I finally got a syncopation note right that Chris has been having me work on for a while. We got to do a talk back with the audience since no one could leave the theatre and it ended up being a really lovely moment. I am excited for what tomorrow will bring.
11/14/2025
Today I encountered quite the challenge. The challenge being, acting through rejection. The Hand to God cast list came out today and I found out that I will not be in that production. I won’t lie, this was very sad for me and I just felt defeated all day. I found myself thinking about the performance later and felt excited to sing and dance with my friends but nervous that my expression was going to show my sadness and it was going to be written all over my face and I did not want to bring that energy to the team. They do not deserve that and I was going to do my best not to let this get the best of me tonight. I had a conversation about rejection with Gregg once about how to move on after not being cast. Rejection is hard but you have a good cry if you need it, eat some ice cream, and keep at it. That is exactly what I am going to do and I am going to have a damn good performance and an Oreo milkshake nightcap and all will be well. How lucky am I that I get to be here singing with my friends? How lucky am I that I get to be here? Despite any sadness that I felt/feel I am leaving that all at the door, I am present in this moment. I am happy with how the performance went and I feel ready for 2 shows tomorrow.
11/15/2025
TWO DOE SHAYYYY WOOHOOOOOO
Although I am still feeling sad, I was SO excited for 2 shows today I had family in town and kept my spirits high. It is honestly really hard not to when I am with this group of people. The sensory friendly performance went really well. I liked that I was able to genuinely see every single audience member and feel their energy to let it fuel the performance. We met the sweetest girl after the show named Quinn and her dad said that this show was one of the first times that she was truly able to enjoy live theatre and I just thought to myself how amazing that was. I am so happy that I get to be involved and a part of moments such as these. We are doing great things and we get to learn about wonderful people and experience life in such an intricate way in this work and I am full of such gratitude.
The energy during our evening performance was INCREDIBLE! We were on a roll and having so much fun. On this particular night, someone in the company unfortunately suffered a medical emergency and we needed to hold the house just before Prodigal Son and we were concerned. We wanted to make sure that everything was okay but also had a conversation backstage about not letting the energy die once we got back on stage. We came back strong and finished strong and did an amazing job and I think we had one of our best runs of act 2 yet which is so exciting. This audience was amazing and really kept us on our toes.
11/16/2025
I felt good about the show today! It is hard to believe that we are already at the end of our second weekend of shows. Time is flyinggggg and I am not sure how to feel about it. I feel both so proud of how things are going but also so sad that time is flying. I really liked the audience today and it was a pretty good feeling show. Nothing super crazy happened and I feel myself getting really used to things.
11/20/2025
I feel like the performance could have gone better for me tonight. I just felt sort of low energy and I felt like I was simply doing the show and not feeling the show. I think that this is just due to being away from it for a few days and I have great faith that tomorrow will be better. I made the discovery that my body had fallen into the show completely in terms of muscle memory and that my ability to do the choreography has improved significantly which is really cool. I love being onstage and making a face and knowing exactly what it looks like because I have done it in front of a mirror so many times that I am able to be very aware of what my body is doing and I feel in control and like I am much more allowed to be in the moment.
11/21/2025
Tonight I encountered a challenge that I had never faced before. I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction during act 1 and I felt like my mic pack was under my armpit the whole time. I tried to find a moment to run off stage but could never work up the courage so I just powered through which I think was still okay. I did feel kind of like I could not move throughout the act but I hid it pretty well. Despite this, act 2 went really well and I was in really good voice. I know that we are nearing the end of performances which is so sad but I am excited for tomorrow.
11/22/2025
It amazes me how fast the show goes by compared to opening night. Sometimes I feel like I blink my eyes and act 1 is over. Today went swimmingly! I am noticing that if I get onstage and I just kind of let go and think about what I’m doing I feel more floaty onstage. If that makes sense? If I let the micromanagement of every movement go I feel like my work gets better and better. I tend to try and plan out every move that I make onstage but because this process has been so devised I have not done that as much and I think that not doing so has made me a much more confident performer. I felt this a lot during this particular show because I was really trying to be aware of my body and tried to find a lot of play in this performance. I also noticed that I broke a pattern onstage today. During the “Pharisees of Oz” bit I tried a new shape for the “Jesus you are an honest man” line and found a bit more buoyancy within that moment. I liked that and hope to explore it more.
11/23/2025
Today the show closed on a two show day and I could not be more proud over how today went in totality. We hit all of our marks but the energy that was on that stage today and this evening was like no other. We were using every drop of energy to its fullest and we also just had so much fun. The moments on stage that I love the most are when our laughs are genuine. In the huddles today, our laughter was absolutely genuine. Not only do I feel proud of this team but I feel proud of myself. The freedom that I have felt on stage this weekend, but specifically today has been intoxicating. While I am incredibly happy with the way that today went I can’t help but also feel a little sadness just because I have loved this experience so much. If I could add 60 more performances to this run I absolutely would. I have made so many discoveries but I am itching to make even more. I can’t help but selfishly wish for more because in a lot of ways I am not ready to let this go. But, despite all of this, I am so grateful and we did incredible work. I could not have asked for a better run. This show was so unapologetically us and I am glad that I got to share it.